


Jedi Scum, the Queen and the Glorious Sith Lord

by fakemagpies



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Community: tfa_kink, Crack, M/M, Prompt Fill, Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:32:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6082977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakemagpies/pseuds/fakemagpies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A story of love, power, envy, darkness and the defeat of the disgusting, stupid, exclusionary Jedi Council."</p><p>Prompt fill for the prompt: "Phasma as Darth Vader, Hux as Obi-Wan, and Kylo as Padme. Don't ask. I know I'm trash. Bonus if Vader's ghost appears at some moment and is scarred forever."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jedi Scum, the Queen and the Glorious Sith Lord

**Author's Note:**

> Took me a while to decide if I wanted to fess up to this fill or not. 
> 
> (It's not even the worst thing I have done at the kinkmeme OTL)

"Oh, Obi-Wan, I know you love me, but I will always and forever love the most powerful, darkest, and coolest man in the entire universe, Lord Darth Vader!" 

Hux can't believe he has to do this. Twelve years of military school, then another twelve getting degrees in engineering and military leadership. Top marks in all his classes and even ran track. This was all quite beneath him. 

"Oh, Pa-da-may," Hux rolls his eyes, "How will I go on? I am but Jedi scum. The only way I can feel like a man is to love the woman that has been with Darth Vader, the coolest and most powerful Sith Lord in Sith history."

Padmè's, that is, Kylo Ren's, face twists in annoyance. 

"Timeout, timeout!" He says, waving his arms theatrically, "It's Padmé! I wrote the pronunciation on your script, Hux! PAD MAY. Two syllables!"

"Really?" Hux replies, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, "That's the only thing you found wrong with that line?"

Kylo pointedly ignores his question. "We'll take it from the top of Scene 2, Act 2. Enter DARTH VADER."

Hux shakes his head in disbelief. This had all begun approximately two weeks ago, when Kylo began locking himself in his room for long periods of times. At the time, Hux merely assumes Kylo Ren is having a maturer version of one of his many tantrums and decides to let it rest. More work was being done while Kylo was MIA and, for two weeks, crew member numbers and number of functional console were steady.

However, Kylo, much to Hux's chagrin, finally emerged. Strangely triumphant, he plopped a 120 page script in front of him and strolled off in search of the rest of the cast. 

He had written a fucking play. 

Overcoming his initial disbelief, he proceeded to read the title of what he presumed was to be Kylo's magnus opus:

JEDI SCUM, THE QUEEN AND GLORIOUS SITH LORD:  
a story of love, power, envy, darkness and the defeat of the disgusting, stupid, exclusionary Jedi Council.

a play in four acts by ANAKIN SKYREN.

Hux naturally threw the script in the trash and flatly told Kylo that they were trying to establish a galactic empire, not open a playhouse. He would have continued to shove the script down Kylo Ren's throat had it not been a direct order from Supreme Leader Snoke ordering him to comply. Something about Kylo needing to explore his emotions so he can fully embrace his potential. 

Hux has never been one to question the Supreme Leader but he came particularly close in this instance.

"Captain! That means you!" Kylo's voice penetrates Hux's thoughts. In the meantime, Kylo had managed to move some furniture around Hux to create a makeshift cell. Hux notices the charred black mask of Lord Vader sitting gently on one of the chairs. "ENTER VADER!"

Captain Phasma entered the room from the hallway. Captain Phasma's suit had been painted black and this has given her the fury to play the part of the Sith Lord. "Dear wife! It is I, your King, your burning obsession, your husband Darth Vader!"

Phasma looked over at Kylo. That line reading was acceptable. Kylo flings his arms around the neck of her suit, "Oh, how I've awaited you! Being near this Jedi trash was weakening my spirit."

Breathing heavily in and out, Phasma delivers her line: "I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last." A dramatic flick of her cape punctuated her statement, "The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master."

Hux, who had been sitting quietly in the make-shift jail, recognizes his cue. "Oh, what shall I do? There is no way I could win. Indeed, only the mercy of your gracious Sithness can save me now."

"There is one way," This catches Hux's attention, for as much as he hated this vile, historically inaccurate dribble, he did read it. And Hux knew that Phasma was going off script. A hint of vengeful mischief coated her words as she spoke, "You must satisfy my wife according to my instructions,"

Kylo's eyebrows knots as his face scrunches up in annoyance, clearly not pleased with the editorial license taken with his work. This was all very apparent in his voice, as he tried not to break character, "But, my Lord, I am your faithful wife."

Darth Phasma, clearly in character, shouts as he shoves Kylo away from her, "Do you dare defy Vader?!"

Hux eyes Kylo and smirks. "If it is Lord Vader's will. Come to me, my darling Paddy-May."

"Padmé, Jedi scum." Kylo mutters as he enters the jail cell and sits with a pout near Hux. 

"Good...good..." Phasma practically coos. "Now, my wife, don't you think that Obi-Wan deserves your pretty little mouth on his cock?"

"Don't you think that is going too far?" Hux mouths out in Phasma's direction.

She shakes her head and points to her darkened armor, silently mouthing back her response, "No." 

In the meanwhile, Kylo debates the artistic merit of sucking Hux off. He begins to mediate: would Lord Vader really get off on seeing his wife deep-throating his former best friend? Yes, Kylo could see this as a way of fueling the Dark Side. The anger, the betrayal, the power. Yes, yes, it all made sense. It's the heart of this play. He absent-mindedly strokes his treasured Vader mask as he basks in his genius.

"Yes, good call, Captain." Kylo mutters, "You understand your character well. I knew I wouldn't be disappointed with my casting decision."

The Captain and the General responded almost simultaneously and in equal disbelief. "What?" 

Kylo is rolling his neck and stretching. "Alright, folks, we are going even more off-script. I get it. We can't contain Lord Vader in words. He was the Chosen One, born of the Force, he's organic, he's loose. We can't try to capture his essence in memorizes lines. Vader is avant-garde."

Hux couldn't believe this was the man who outranked him. Phasma, rolling with her luck, commands, "Then suck, my wife. We must do as we're requested."

"Yes, my Lord." 

Kylo reaches for Hux's waistband and tugs at his pants. Hux complies by lifting himself slightly off the ground and he shivers when his bare ass comes into contact with the cool floor. 

Kylo examines Hux's limp cock and scowls. "You are about to receive the greatest privilege of them all and you can't even manage half-chub."

It wasn't ten second after he said it that Hux felt the most delirious sensation. He looked down and saw Ren, holding his hair back with one hand, licking Hux's cock slowly, exploring it from tip to base before gradually sliding it in his mouth.

Hux gasps. Kylo's mouth is hot and moist against his cock. Ren's head is bobbing up and down, faster and faster, as Hux's initial gasp quickly morphs into a series of loud, high-pitched whimpers. 

Phasma moves closer to inspect and squirms trying to calm herself down, "Now prisoner, don't you think my wife needs...encouragement? What kind of person does this in front of their husband? I am so ashamed of you, Padmé."

Kylo Ren moans in pleasure against Hux's cock at the degradation. Hux can't even.

Phasma hears Kylo and continues, "What a bad girl. You have no control, do you?"

Hux grunts. "You filthy whore. How long have you wanted to do this?"

Phasma is taken aback, impressed by the General's participation. She wasn't sure of Hux was talking to Padmé or the Ren himself though.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" he continues, fighting to keep a level head, "Did you know this was going to happen, you little slut? Is this what you wanted?" 

Kylo takes Hux deeper into his mouth and swallows. Hux curses and Kylo gags as Hux cums down his throat. 

Kylo looks up at Hux, his mouth dripping with the aftermath. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "You little fuck, you couldn't even hold out for a minute longer? I was just getting started, you sexually repressed Jedi monk."

It was Hux's turn to scowl but he had no reply.

Kylo sighs. "We're gonna have to do this scene over again. That's unacceptable. What will audiences think? They need to see the full extent of Padmé oral skills."

"She wasn't able to convince your grandpa to not join the Dark Side."

Kylo frowns, "I didn't mean her semantic prowess, Hux." 

Phasma claps her hands in delight. "Then shall we take it from the top of Scene 2, Act 2?"

Kylo, his director hat on, "Yes. In position. We will do this as many times as we need to. Right. OK, now. 

ENTER VADER."

\-----

Obi-Wan Kenobi can't look his former apprentice in the eye as they both hover over the scene as it plays out. Kylo has just finished cleaning himself up and is rattling off about costume design. 

Obi-Wan's sense of humor returns to him as he clasps a hand on his former apprentice's shoulder, "The melodrama is strong in this one."

Anakin, Lord Vader, watches the scene in shame. "Why does the mask have to be in every scene? It doesn't make sense. And what is he doing to Padmé legacy? When I tell her of this gross-misjudgment of her character, she'll find a way to correct this."

"Indeed."

"For instance, why wouldn't she be pleasuring both Vader and Obi-Wan? My Padmé is more than capable of that!" he huffs.

"Ah--" Obi-Wan begins but quickly quiets down as Kylo goes into the sixth minute on his speech about the value of ox-blood red over crimson in Padmé royal garb.

"He's got the colors all wrong, too." Anakin adds with a "tsk".

Obi-Wan's initial confusion dissipates and is replaced by a burning desire to locate what is wrong with the Skywalker bloodline.


End file.
